I haven't blogged in a while because what feels like eternity seems like I don't have anything positive to say. I have written this blog and re-written it at least twenty times struggling with my words. So much sadness and destruction everywhere I look it makes my heart hurt. Watching families I love suffer from unexplainable loss, political bashing for different opinions, racial attacks, questioning the police and the justice system and this pandemic that is trying to break us as humans while more families I have known my whole life get ostracized for testing positive. As if that was on their agenda, please. Or my least favorite browsing social media to read people battering down our teachers and administration working endless hours to stay afloat and make sure our children are getting some kind of education with rules that don't even seem like real life.
I sit here alive at my computer chair on this Thursday night in October feeling sorry for myself because my sons first high-school game ever is tomorrow and no spectators are allowed to attend. Not one thing feels right to me and I strive to be the glass half full, happy life and it happens for a reason kinda girl. But lately I have been questioning all that shit I have programmed myself to think. The problem with me is I wear my heart on my sleeve and I continually search for answers as to why life is so cruel. I have struggled my whole life with accepting things I can't change especially when they are so unbelievably wrong. For fuck sake what is this world doing right now?
Ten years I have ran, walked or hiked every road and trail in this town. Whenever something is bothering me I do extra mileage, think and process. But the past few weeks I haven't been able to come up with anything that makes any sense in my brain. The problem with this is I am a Mom and we are supposed to make sense of everything that comes our way and explain it so that it makes even the slightest bit of sense. So because I tend to be selfish with my thoughts and desperately searching for relief I decided tonight I will blog about my little ole town of Monson that I love, the people I have met here, why I have settled at 3 Green and just random shit that have truly impacted my life the past few years.
I am raising my kids here in this town because my family is here. Even when I make mistakes they have my back, they are loyal and I know at the end of the day they would do anything possible for us three and most people living here. We are proud to participate in the blue and white community we call home. My path to this house downtown on this street was my friend holding my hand during a difficult time pushing me to give it a chance. Over and over I was told this is a happy house and from that July 5th day we walked in here that is exactly what it has been. I guess if you hate living here you are not really experiencing the same things that I am.
Recently I was walking out of the cross country trail early with my dogs one morning last month and instantly I was connected with our current High School Principal, my friend. We talked about all the shit going on and he just looked tired to me. He asked me about my kids and how they are adjusting with this new norm. He cared about my kids and that alone was special. It put me back several years prior to the conversation I had with my own High School Principal three days before he died of cancer. Something like the grass isn't always greener Sara and be proud of where you come from Sara. If you are a good person this is a good place to live Sara. I was flooded with all the wonderful things that happen in a small town no matter what you read. I began to reflect on why certain people here cross our paths and at such critical times. Some of us stay and some of us go and even some of us that are away for long periods of time find their path back here.
I could type and tell story after story of all the connections I have made here. It's not every day a young business owner posts they are looking for a whiskey barrel for their grand opening and two Monsonites randomly find a guy selling barrels, shuffle the cash and roll the barrel down to a safe yard. Maybe it's Woodbine, a sunrise at Flynt Park, ice-cream at Westview or walking to the package store that used to be Iron Kettle because that is a Monson thing to do. Seeing someone you know at Armata's I mean Adam's while you are picking up celery, peanut butter and raisins for your energy snack and shooting the shit about your weekend plans because you pretty much know everyone in there. My favorite the random people that truly care about you that send all hour texts to see if you are ok, tell you that you deserve better days or the people that catch you early in the morning stopping at Squires for a quick therapy session while you are putting your trash out. That shit doesn't happen everywhere, I don't care what anyone says and I am proud to live here.
I found a recent picture of me where I was chilling in this/our small town giving a Saturday afternoon cheers to the kindness of people. A day the sun was shining, I had zero worries, and I was continuing to be the most tan in Monson and that's what I shared here. It's really funny how you appreciate the days like that in the moment but you really appreciate them weeks, months or even years later wishing you could go back. I guess if I had one wish for this town it would be for people to take a step back and think before attacking each other because none of us know what people are battling. None of us know what tomorrow is going to bring. I believe we need to do better for these next generations, I want to do better. There are good people in Monson everywhere you turn. If you are not meeting them or coming across them you are turning the wrong way.
I just want to say Cheers to the people here who have been a light. Those who gave me and continue to give me a reason to smile at the absolute best times without judgement. Cheers to the people that agree to disagree because how boring of a world would this be if we all agreed. Surround yourself with good people no matter where you are because they do still exist. Life is really hard, we all face so many challenges, losses and heart aches while we are here already. I can speak from experience it's so much easier picking each other up, lending a hand verse making enemies for things we can't change. I for one don't want to make things any harder on anyone because of my words or actions. We all have a right to our own opinions and freedom of speech. I believe we can and will survive 2020 as people and most importantly a town...our Mustang blue and white love filled town.
Take a listen to one of the best songs out there right now "In a place that needs change, make a difference" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCGuv6-eaJM
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